Found you...

I found my first gf online. Fucking facebook.

Whole nights been a debbie downer.

I don't know why I'm sad.

I'm uncomfortable.

I'm tired of all this shit ya know.

I think I'll sleep in the basement. I'm a bit in my spoiled little boy rant. I'm sitting in front of my tv thinking really hard.

I'm also thinking God might be mad with me. Mad at how ungreatful I am. I'm a bit shitty for that. But I can't beat myself up. He wouldn't want it.

I'm gonna read and... wait to see if she replies to my email. My old ex I mean.

Brilliance

I am it. Basically, I'm a big deal.

I can't say no this time.

In the past I would've said no to everything these people would've asked me to do. Mostly because I wanted revenge for being walked on. I wanted my just deserts for taking months of agony and verbal abuse.

But in light of the recent lawsuit, where I AM being sued, and being fired... I don't have much of a choice but to trust these people. Like honestly, what the fuck can I really say? No I won't help you, but you need to help me to survive this time.

It feels like I'm being punished and taught a lesson at the same time. God wants me to stop fucking over my family, or my mom in particular. And he also wants me to--

**my mom just asked me to start cleaning on a day I wanted to study**

Fucking... I hate cleaning. I think two things slow me down. 1st, my job. 2nd, cleaning up the house. I'm shabby at both. I'm not horrendously imcompetant, no. I'm just not capable of bringing everything they want. But what I can do, I do it like a Boss.

SO I'M REALLY TRYING TO GET THIS OFF MY CHEST! Because if I don't I go off talking to myself and thats not cool.

By the way, alter-me, which, lets be honest, is high me. I don't like him as much. I get high too much. I get tired of it. I'm such an old man. I barely even like to smoke anymore.

Hell, I'm going to church more. Didn't quite see me going all conservative all of the sudden.

Until we bleed

So I've been fired. And the last thing my friend said to me was, "Don't kill yourself."

Fine. lol I wasn't going to consider it. I honestly don't like the job that much. I didn't fancy coming to work on most days. And I just felt released the minute I popped down at my chair in the basement and lit one up. 

The money was all I had reason for coming there.

Speculation on why I got fired? Well, they'll say its cuz I was undependable. But my coworkers will say, I was a team player. So yeah, my boss didn't like me is what I think happened. 

************************************************

But how did I really feel inside? Yes! Still relieved. Am I lazy for not wanting to work there anymore? Am I a bad person for it? Am I wrong for just feeling like things would be better if I said, fuck it all?

Yes, this is the catharcis before the fall. 

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In front of this guy...

FRIENDS - Game Night

Every Sunday I have game night at my house.

I have an even blend of two different personalities on Sunday.

My "cousin" is the calmest of the trio. But he's also the guy I hate for how loyal he is to everyone. And I do mean everyone. I don't get it. How can you give people your full attention all the time. It gets in his way whenever he's dating. The last girl he dated demanded his full attention and he gave it to her. A positive side of this guy is, for him to be so mellow, he doesnt mind spending time with anyone.

Very laid back. But annoyingly loyal.

My closest and oldest friend. The other side of the coin. I don't apreciate him sometimes, but without him. Theres no expressing myself. He's increadibly loyal to me. He's very loud, very tall and very clumsy.

Very loud. Very Loyal as well.

Me, I'm sorta annoyed by em both and some of the shit they do. But they're my buddies.

But today, I hate the loud one. I've never seen anyone look dumb on Assassins Creed 2. It makes me think that the controlls aren't meant for the faint of heart. He makes learning the controlls look stupid hard. Hell, he's been here for over an hour and he's still on the first memory. Like, this is where the plot thickens and you can't take your eyes off the game and he pauses it for a tweet from a girl he's not even interested in. Added to the fact that he's trying to figure out what to say. Usually I lend the help. But today, I'm keeping the tips box closed to see what he does.

He gives up. *sigh*

So then, he calls someone. I'm looking at a pause screen for 10 minutes now.

What stops me from going bonkers? Well, my friends are differnt sides of a coin. My 'cousin' isn't phased by me being angry or insults. My other buddy, he internallizes it immediatly.

This internalization frustrates the shit outta me when he's doing dumb shit. Arggghhh! With the dumb shit.

alter ego

I've got an alter ego that really wants to be loved. Like, its crazy how badly I get into these moments of straight stupor. And I lose myself almost in the levels of superfluous verbosity. Its enough to drive a man mad by the level of enticed I am from this deliciousness. I'm currently developing a euphemism for whats going on. But, to no avail it will seem.

Numero dos?

     So this is my first blog post ON THIS BLOG! So yea, I have written other blogs with way more direction. But yeah. I figure I'd make this a very public blog made for watching a humans brain, my brain, load up a recap of its day.
     The organization is as follows. The Switches. Every time you meet someone or go somewhere, you switch in your head. You chose appropriate levels of interaction. If you hang out with Marines, you are likely to act one way. If you are around people you are comfortable with, you act completely different. So the different switches will be there giving a show to whats really going on vs. the second layer of this blog.

     The bitchy feelings.

 So how about that? Terse enough for you? Are you happy? Have I done my job in pleasing you? Are you not entertained?! Yes? Oui? Hai? Ci?

 Fucking groovy.